Author Archives: Jerica Nonell

16 Ways The Men Can Help Stop Online Violence Against Women

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Social Media Logotype BackgroundWith the rise of social media and smartphones in the last decade or so, Facebooking, tweeting, pinning, blogging, and vlogging have become a default part of many people’s professional, personal and social lives. Communities are no longer limited to face-to-face interactions, but also flourish online in the form of Facebook pages, Twitter followers, YouTube subscribers and blogger networks.

Through these online communities, the Internet has become a conduit for the free-flow of ideas, opinions, thoughts, beliefs and values. As online communities become more ubiquitous and entrenched in our lives, the boundaries have long-ago blurred between our offline behaviour and online conduct and in many cases, the Internet acts to amplify anti-social, criminal and bigoted behaviour because of the anonymity it gives to participants and commentators who frequently engage in hurtful behaviour with impunity.

In the case of Violence Against Women (VAW), the Internet and social media has given misogyny an incredibly visible platform with almost no controls in place to check their behaviour towards women and girls online. As Laura Bates, the founder of The Everyday Sexism Project, says:

The internet is a fertile breeding ground for misogyny – you only have to look at the murky bottom waters of Reddit and 4Chan to see the true extent to which it allows violent attitudes towards women to proliferate. But, crucially, it also provides a conduit that enables many who hold those views to attack and abuse women and girls, from what they rightly perceive to be an incredibly secure position.

Indeed, from Anita Sarkeesian to the Steubenville rape case, cyber VAW has been on the rise over the past decade, with the most recent high-profile case being the horrendous Twitter attacks on feminist campaigner Caroline Criado-Perez after her success in getting the Bank of England to include a woman on a UK currency note.

Anti-VAW activists and nonprofits and online women’s rights communities are now fighting back with campaigns aimed at getting social media networks, governments and law enforcement agencies to take cyber VAW seriously and to take action to prevent and stop it. As with all aspects of stopping VAW, support of men and boys is crucial to this fight and in this “16 for 16” article, we present 16 ways in which men can help stop cyber VAW

Introduction by Regina Yau; Written by Rashad Brathwaite and Regina Yau; Edited by Jerica Nonell and Regina Yau.

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Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #1: Acknowledge the violence. There are 3 important ways in which men need to effectively acknowledge cyber violence against women. The first step is to be aware of and accept the fact that it definitely exists. The second step is to acknowledge that in the rough-and-tumble on online interaction, women and girls face a different, more extreme, and more insidious kind of backlash than men including a disproportionate number of threats of physical violence, name-calling, reputation assasination, death threats, sexual assault threats and rape threats. The third step is to publicly recognise cyber VAW when it happens and to intervene.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #2: Educate yourself. The first step towards effective online bystander intervention is developing the ability to recognise the signs and manifestations of cyber VAW within online communities. These run the gamut from rape joke Facebook pages to mass misogynistic trolling in the comments section of opinion pieces written by women. Check out online resources that provide information online online bullying and cyber VAW, including What Men Can Do. Knowing what cyber VAW looks like will enable you to take timely action to intervene to stop the violence.

tnc_logoMen Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #3: Educate the next generation. One of the most effective ways of helping stop cyber VAW is to educate the next generation of boys and youth about the issue and to equip them to deal with it. For example: That’s Not Cool is a public education campaign that raises awareness about teen dating violence by sharing examples of unhealthy, controlling, and abusive behavior. The campaign teaches youth risk factors for “textual harassment,” “pic pressure,” and other signs of unhealthy relationship behavior. “That’s Not Cool” also provides resources and information on ways to intervene if a young person has a friend, family member, or acquaintance who is being verbally, emotionally, or sexually harassed via technology.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #4: Educate your peers. When engaging online with your male peers, friends and co-workers, look for opportunities to steer the conversation towards discussing why cyber VAW is not acceptable. These opportunities can include talking to them when you see them exhibit disrespectful or bullying behaviour towards women and girls in the online community; or when discussing high profile cases of male celebrities committing VAW. You can also invite your male peers to join you on liking anti-VAW Facebook pages, following anti-VAW Twitter accounts and participating in online discussions about the importance of stopping VAW.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #5: Lead by example. Make sure that your website, blog, social media profiles, and behaviour in forums, comments sections and chatrooms are free from any form of misogynistic behaviour including mansplaining, dismissing women’s opinions, sharing tasteless VAW jokes that blame the victim, sexist name-calling, putting up pictures extolling the ‘virtues’ of the rape and battery of women etc. Be self-aware about your own behaviour and treat women and girls as equals when engaging in online discussions or interactions with them. Step up to intervene when you see cyber VAW happening.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #6: Make Amends When You Make a Mistake. As an ally, you will make mistakes. Anything new that is being internalised has a learning curve, and learning to question societal norms certainly is no exception. Being an ally involves constantly learning and re-learning, constantly questioning your own attitudes and language. If you find that a view you hold or a post that you have shared is problematic, apologise. If you are called out on problematic behaviour, listen. Do not become defensive or feel as if you are being attacked when called out – it is the only way that you can learn and change.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #7: Call ’em out! People who perpetuate cyber VAW need to be called out on their behaviour IMMEDIATELY because many aggressors and trolls are empowered by the silence of bystanders and the protection of online anonymity. Make sure that they know that what they are doing is wrong. Even if you are the only voice saying so, your intervention may get them to reconsider their behaviour. Even if the the perpetrator declares that he means no harm, it is important to disrupt incidences of cyber VAW while it is happening by.publicly and calmly pointing out that cyber VAW has hurtful consequences for the victim, and reflects badly on the perpetrator.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #8: Be Specific. When you engage cyber VAW perpetrator about their behaviour, be specific about the exact behaviour that you are addressing, be it name-calling, victim-blaming, death threats, or rape threats. Having to defend their specific behaviour and tactic may cause some attackers to rethink what they are saying to try and having to think through their actions could trigger a change in their attitudes towards women online. Ask them questions you would like them to ask themselves: Would you issue this threat if it was a man expressing the same opinion?

Safety in NumbersMen Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #9: Safety in numbers. When attempting to call out the behaviour of a group of cyber VAW perpetrators or any other type of cyber bullies, form a group yourself. Talk privately to other members of the forum, page or community about what is happening and get their support to back each other up when facing down aggressive and misogynistic groups. Similarly, when you see someone courageously taking a cyber VAW perpetrator to task, chime in. This action has 3 effects: it lets the person know that someone else agrees with them; it signals to the victim that the community will not stand for the treatment she is receiving; and it lets the perpetrator(s) know that more than one person is calling out their behaviour.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #10: Use that button! Most social media sites have policies against bullying and hate language by allowing for comments, threads, and users to be flagged as offensive. If engaging the cyber VAW perpetrator is impossible either because he repeats his behaviour or you are facing an entire community that actively commits cyber VAW, use the reporting tools that most social media networks set up to enable communities to report hate language and bullying to get the perpetrator removed for repeat offenses.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #11: Reach Out. If you witness cyber VAW, remember to reach out to the target of the attack after you have intervened to stop the perpetrator. Provide support and engage with her to develop the best course of action. Find out how she wants to handle the situation and how she would like you to help. Online communities can easily make someone feel isolated when they are being attacked, so your outreach will help her to realise that there are people in the community who will not stand for cyber VAW and sexism and who are willing to step in to help.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #12: Take it offline. If reporting cyber VAW to social media network administrators, forum moderators or website owners do not yield any action and the cyber VAW continues to escalate, begin documenting the violence with screencaps and contact an agency, nonprofit or grassroots campaign specialising in stopping cyber VAW and cyber bullying with the evidence. They will be able to assist you or advice you regarding the next steps with taking action to hold the perpetrators or the site accountable for their actions. In certain cases of cyber VAW that can be localised to a country or city, report the case to the relevant authorities such as the police. With governments and law enforcement agencies in many countries such as Canada, the UK and The Philippines starting to recognise cyber VAW as a crime, there are now increasing avenues to getting help to stop cyber VAW.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #13: Create safe spaces. Whether you are a blogger, website owner, forum moderator, Facebook page administrator or are responsible for any online community, make sure you work with your fellow moderators/administrators to have a zero tolerance approach to cyber VAW and cyber bullying of any form. Make sure you are upfront with your policy on acceptable behaviour. Many major websites do this by stating on top of their comments sections or “about” sections of their websites and profile pages that while everyone is welcome, they will not tolerate bigoted, sexist, violent or disrespectful behaviour of any sort and they enforce it by moderating comments and banning those who violate their rules.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #14: Size does not matter.  If an organisation, celebrity or company makes misogynistic, violent, and hateful remarks towards women and girls online, or refuses to moderate cyber VAW on their show, website and social media channels, organise or join a campaign that hits them where it hurts – their profits. This approach has been done successfully several times. The latest example is that of the #FacebookRape campaign organised by Laura Bates (founder of The Everyday Sexism Project), Jaclyn Friedman (Women, Action, and the Media) and Soraya Chemaly a prominent feminist writer. In summer 2013, they and over 100 anti-Violence Against Women organisations (including The Pixel Project) mounted the #FBrape campaign to get companies to withdraw advertising from Facebook until Facebook agreed to take cyber VAW on their social network seriously.

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #15: Share Your Knowledge.  One of the greatest features of the internet and social media is its ability to spread information at a rapid pace. As an ally, you have the opportunity to spread the knowledge that you gain to people who are not necessarily looking for the same information. Make your awareness viral! When you find a good article or video that puts online violence in perspective, tweet it, blog about it, share it!

Men Helping Stop Cyber VAW – Tip #16: Be a virtual volunteer. Online anti-VAW nonprofits and organisations, such as The Pixel Project, are always looking for more people to get involved in the movement to end VAW. Whether you decide to volunteer with an online support service for survivors of VAW, or with a non-profit that specifically fights cyber VAW and cyber bullying, adding your voice to their ranks and allows for more information to be published faster, reaching more people. If for no other reason, your experiences and your insights are unique and valuable.

16 Ways to Stop Domestic Violence in Your Community

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stop domestic violenceThe World Health Organisation (WHO)’s latest report on Violence Against Women that was released in June 2013 indicated that in some regions of the world, over 35% of women suffer from partner violence.  With these staggering numbers, it is a very real possibility that every one of us knows a woman is facing (or has faced) domestic violence.

The intervention of neighbours and the wider community is one of the keys to stopping the violence. This starter list provides 16 tips for preventing and intervening to stop Domestic Violence in your community and/or neighbourhood. We have divided the list into 2 sections – one for the wider community and one for individuals. If you have any other suggestions and tips, please do share them in the comments section.

Introduction by Regina Yau; Written by Rashad Brathwaite and Regina Yau; Edited by Jerica Nonell and Regina Yau.

“Stop Domestic Violence” graphic by Sebastian Smith.

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For The Wider Community

IMG_9492Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #1: Know the signs. The first step to action is to familiarise individuals and the community with the possible signs and indicators of domestic violence. These signs can vary and do not always come with physical symptoms because domestic violence is not just limited to physical attacks such as beatings. It includes many forms of abusive behaviour enacted to control the victim in a myriad of ways including emotional abuse, verbal abuse and economic abuse. Domestic violence also affects every level and demograhic in society, so there is no typical victim despite the stereotypes. Someone who may not appear to be a victim of domestic violence may well be suffering in silence and it is important to recognise the signs if this is the case.

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #2: Get your community educated! A good start to eradicating Domestic Violence from your community or neighbourhood is to start educating as many people as possible about Domestic Violence, its impact and how to intervene safely. This can be done in collaboration with your local Domestic Violence shelter or women’s organisation or police community outreach officers who can work with the community, local schools and local companies to organise and implement talks, townhall meetings and other group sessions to talk about this issue.

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #3: Get your community organised! There is safety and influence in numbers when intervening to stop an abuser or making your community a place where Domestic Violence will not be tolerated. So just as many neighbourhoods have neighbourhood watch to stop crime, start organising a network of folks who will commit to intervene in Domestic Violence situations, help victims leave their abusers safely and provide a communal support structure for survivors.

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #4: Boost your community support network with technology! If you have a smart phone and the victim has a smart phone, consider downloading a safety app for women, many of which have been designed to automatically alert your support network if you are in danger. If the victim does not have a smart phone, consider pooling money with a few friends and neighbours to get her one and pre-load it with a safety app that is connected to all your phones so you can become a de facto support net for her. Free safety apps currently available include the award-winning Circle of 6 and the iAMDEFENDER app which you can download here.

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #5: Stopping the violence is good for business. Domestic Violence has cost economies and companies millions of dollars in lost time, medical care, productivity etc. In the U.S., the cost of Domestic Violence to the economy is estimated at $8.3 billion a year. If you are a business owner or a senior member of a company (e.g. a director, board member, senior manager), be pro-active in getting educated about how to intervene if you suspect or know that your employee or staff member is facing Domestic Violence because it will have a knock-on effect on your company. Implement HR policies that makes provisions for the potential impact of Domestic Violence. For example, the National Bank of Australia is currently offering paid Domestic Violence leave because the economic freedom from remaining in paid work is regarded as vital in helping victims escape violent relationships.

For Individuals

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #6: Ring the bell. If you are the neighbour of a family experiencing Domestic Violence, please take the time to ring their bell when you hear a violent situation happening. You could use the old neighbourly approach of asking to borrow a cup of sugar or some milk as an excuse. If you feel that it could get dangerous, bring another person with you so there will be more than one witness. Check out what this guy did in a PSA by our partner, Bell Bajao:

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #7: Bring a back-up. Intervening with Domestic Violence situations can be dangerous especially if the abuser has a weapon (e.g. a gun) and is intoxicated by drink or drugs. If you are unable to get help from the local shelter or police, make sure to bring another friend or family member along with you when you respond to the victim/survivor’s call in person.

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #8:  BE the back-up. If your neighbour, friend, co-worker, classmate, mother, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, niece or cousin is facing Domestic Violence at home, let them know that you will be willing to be a witness or to intervene on their behalf while you are around. Also let them know that they are welcome to take refuge in your home should they need somewhere to go.

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #9: Make the call, NOW. If the situation is beyond simple neighbourly intervention (e.g. the abuser has a gun and uses it during the abuse), call the police or your local emergency services (such as 911 in the U.S.) IMMEDIATELY. Provide critical information, such as location, names, contact number, and whether or not you wish the remain anonymous. Do NOT intervene personally in this scenario as it will be too dangerous to do so.

Be-Friends-with-Someone-Emotionally-Unable-to-Be-an-Equally-Supportive-Friend-Step-9Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #10: Listen to empower. If a victim of domestic violence reaches out to you, listen. Let her know that you believe her and do not judge her choices. Victims often feel completely isolated and are often belittled by their partner; it is important to enable her to feel safe when confiding in you because eventually, she may well be able to gather enough courage to tell you exactly what is happening and to ask for help. This intervention tip may be particularly useful for hairdressers, nurses, human resource department personnel and anyone working in professions that involve having to listen to clients, customers and co-workers as part of the job.

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #11: Be on standby If you suspect your friend, co-worker, staff, or family member of suffering from Domestic Violence, offer to be on standby for her text or call for emergencies. Have your phone on and fully charged at all times and keep it on you. If you have a car and need to intervene immediately, make sure that the gas/petrol tank is full so you can get in and drive to get the victim/survivor immediately if need be.

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #12: Have an intervention plan. Work out a plan to get an intervention operation in action – have the following numbers on standby for your use:

  • The national Domestic Violence helpline (if your country has it)
  • The local Domestic Violence shelter helpline wherever the victim/survivor is located.
  • The local police wherever the victim/survivor is located.

Make sure to contact all of these agencies immediately should you receive an urgent SOS from the victim/survivor or if you hear or witness the violence begin and escalate (and in many cases, it may escalate incredibly quickly).

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #13: Provide some relief. If you know a Domestic Violence victim/survivor who is being kept at home without relief, do a random act of kindness for her: Offer to babysit the children for a few hours while the abuser is out so she can have a breather; Offer to pick up groceries for her on your grocery run. Every small gesture helps provide relieve and also build the victim’s confidence in eventually reaching out to you for help (or accepting your help).

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #14: Check in regularly. If you fear for your friend, co-worker, classmate, or family member’s life, call or text her once a day at a random time to see if she is all right. If it’s your neighbour, keep an eye out on the house and your ears pricked for any signs or sounds of violence.

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #15: Be a resource. Help her find the assistance she needs, whether it is legal information, local domestic violence programmes, or finding a safe place through a battered women’s shelter. The greatest danger women face in these situations is often the actual process of leaving, so finding a safe place may be key. Knowing this information beforehand may be helpful, but assisting her in the research and even making phone calls for her will also help speed things up.

Domestic Violence Intervention Tip #16: Document! Document! Document! Document any incidents that you witness. Take note of dates, times, injuries, and any other observations. Your ongoing documentation can help bolster a victim’s courage and credibility when they are finally willing to pursue legal action against their partner.

16 Ideas for Educating Kids about Violence Against Women and Being Non-Violent

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Running Girl and Dove

With violence against women and girls being one of the biggest and most entrenched human rights issues in the world, many anti-violence activists, educators and charities see the next generation as our best hope for bringing an end to gender-based violence. This is because if we can inculcate today’s children and teenagers with a firm belief in gender equality and non-violence, we would be able to begin gradually changing mindsets and cultural beliefs as the old cultural guards pass away and the next generation takes over.

The importance of actively educating children and teenagers about violence against women is also of paramount important because in today’s increasingly interconnected world where kids can get online with simple a tap on their smartphones, they are likely to become increasingly exposed to violence and misogyny beyond their own communities. Therefore, it is critical that parents, guardians, mentors and teachers to begin educating children about non-violence, gender equality and violence against women and girls as soon as possible.

In this “16 For 16” article, we present 16 suggestions and tips that adults can use for teaching children and teenagers about gender equality, non-violent behaviour and the issue of violence against women and girls.

Introduction by Regina Yau; Compiled and written by Rashad Brathwaite and Regina Yau; Edited by Carol Olson and Regina Yau.

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VAW Education Tip #1 – Get YOURSELF Educated! The first step for parents and adults must is to become aware about the issue of violence against women and girls and how it impacts individuals, families and communities. There are lots of resources online, including The Pixel Project, which can provide basic information about violence against women. Once you know the basics, you will be better prepared to set up conversations about the issue, and identify and stop potentially violent and/or misogynistic behaviour displayed by your child.

Teacher and GirlVAW Education Tip #2 – Develop Open Lines of Communication. Enable children to feel comfortable coming to you with any question or issue. Make sure they know that you will listen to them and that their voice matters. Children who feel that they are taken seriously by a parent or mentor are less likely to run away from their own questions and more likely to listen to the advice passed down to them. By keeping yourself approachable, you are more likely to be able to guide them towards making the right decisions and taking the right actions when faced with issues and experiences like bullying and sexism which are related to and/or may lead to violence against women later on in life.

VAW Education Tip #3 – Books! Books! Books!. The books that children read in school and at home are easily accessible materials that can be used to teach important lessons. Use stories to teach values such as gender equality, kindness, non-violence, and respecting others. For younger children, select books that give examples of kind, non-violent behaviour while showing the consequences of violent behaviour like bullying. For older children and teenagers, go to the library or bookshop together to pick out books that promote healthy respectful behaviour as well as female characters who break the usual “princess” or “damsel in distress” mode. Think Katniss Everdeen, forget Bella Swan. If you are unable to find anything that matches what you want to teach or talk about, write your own!

VAW Education Tip #4 – Positive Reinforcement.  Compliment and reward kids when they display positive, non-violent and non-sexist behaviour when solving problems and interacting with other people. In addition, simply pointing out and punishing violent or aggressive behaviour such as bullying will not help them understand why their behaviour is unacceptable. A better approach would be to show them why it is negative and to be ready to provide ready alternatives of positive behaviour that they can easily remember and use. Keeping calm and listening to the child or teenager while teaching them to handle may also help transform a potentially stressful disciplinary situation into a learning opportunity about non-violence and respect in relationships and towards women and girls.

VAW Education Tip #5 – Boundaries are good!  Establishing boundaries for your children about what is or is not acceptable is part and parcel of teaching them about healthy problem solving, healthy relationships and non-violent conflict resolution. If you see your child engaging in violent behaviour, imposing a “time out” or other non-violent modes of discipline can help teach your child about peaceful means for resolving interpersonal problems and conflicts. Once they are able to recognise and respect boundaries, be it their own or other people’s, then they will be better able to understand the importance of consent in relationships and where to draw the line with aggressive or anti-social behaviour towards others.

Kids Under A TreeVAW Education Tip #6 –  It Takes A Village. Parents are seldom the only adult influencers in a child’s world which will eventually include some or all of the following adults: teachers, tutors, coaches, mentors, grandparents, aunts, uncles, older cousins, guardians. So don’t just focus on your particular relationship with your child or teenage. Remember the importance of building an active network of peers by making sure you keep communication lines open with the other adults in their world and work together with them to stand united in educating the kids about the importance of non-violence and of helping to stop violence against women.

VAW Education Tip #7 – Be A Good Sport! Many schools and other organisations focused on children and teenagers use sports as a way to help their charges channel their energies in a constructive way. Sports can help kids focus by giving them a goal to work towards while teaching team about team work and fair play. It is also a safety valve for letting off steam and aggression in a contained and controlled environment. Done right, sports can help children address and control aggressive tendencies, while learning good sportsmanship including fair play, accepting failure gracefully, and striving for success without hurting others.

VAW Education Tip #8 – Act It Out! Drama class or getting involved in plays can provide an outlet for children and teenagers to focus and learn about the issue of violence against women through storytelling and acting. If you are a parent and you know that there is a school production of a play that addresses issues related to violence against women and gender inequality, encourage your child or teenager to take part. If you are a drama teacher at a middle school or high school, make a conscious decision to select a play or musical that provide opportunities for your students to explore and talk about violence against women.

VAW Education Tip #9 – Share Stories. Share personal stories of difficult encounters and experiences to help drive home points you wish to make about violence against women and related topics such as bullying and sexism. Being minors with limited life experience, many children and teenagers are unable to connect the abstract idea of VAW with their own lives, and it is the role of the parents, mentor, teacher or coach to help them make the connection. You might not have experienced VAW in your life, but with 1 in 3 women worldwide experiencing gender-based violence in their lifetimes, whether it is domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, street harassment etc, chances are you may know someone who survived the violence who might be willing to talk to your child or students; Or you may have witnessed the violence yourself.

Grandmother and KidsVAW Education Tip  #10 – YouTube Is Your Friend! When used correctly, the internet can be a great resource for children and teenagers to learn about violence against women and its related issues. For example, here is a short film made specifically for children on the topic of domestic violence. So when you come across a video public service announcement or a particular clip on YouTube which can help kick off discussions about violence against women either at home or at school, use it. For teachers, mentors, coaches and other educators, it may also be particularly useful to create YouTube playlists of videos that you can use to kickstart the conversation with the children and teenagers in your class, team or counseling sessions.

VAW Education Tip #11 – Watch And Discuss.  Apart from YouTube videos, another resource for educating kids about violence against women and non-violent behaviour could be watching and discussing a movie, a documentary or an episode of a TV show with domestic violence, rape or other forms of violence against women as a storyline or theme. Get the post-movie discussion and brainstorming going by asking questions that get the kids to think about the issue, why violence against women is wrong, and how they can help to stop the violence. As movies featuring violence against women can be too graphic for younger or more squeamish children, try documentaries such as “Half The Sky”  that discuss solutions to violence against women.

VAW Education Tip #12 – Monitor Their Pop Culture Intake. In today’s celebrity-driven internet era, it is essential to use incidences in popular culture as teachable moments to address the issue of Violence Against Women with children and teenagers. The media and the celebrities they promote do not always provide positive role models for children. Therefore, it is the role of parents, guardians, mentors, teachers and coaches to address this issue. If you see the children under your care begin to internalise negative ideals due to the influence of media and celebrities, take action to sit down and engage them in conversations about what they have seen and to help them contextualise it in a healthy way. For example: When Chris Brown beat up Rihanna, it made the headlines and because both artistes have a huge fan base of teenagers and young adults, it was an incident that most kids would know about. So conversations about why domestic or dating violence is unacceptable could be built on discussing that piece of news.

Teachable MomentVAW Education Tip #13 – Teachable Moments Are Gold. Be on alert to possible teachable moments that could come any time, anywhere. Teachable moments about violence against women can come in any shape or size. It could be your child coming home from school and telling you about how s/he heard one child call another a violently sexist term such as “bitch”. You can turn that into a teachable moment but transforming it into an opportunity to talk to him/her about how name-calling is not just wrong, but name calling using misogynistic terms is a form of violence against women.

VAW Education Tip #14 – Preparation Is Everything. Talk to your children, students or teenagers you mentor about dating and relationships before they enter into the dating world. Tell them about what they can expect from a healthy relationship including mutual respect, being accepted for who they are, and  Let them know what abusive relationships could look like, including common red flag signs that indicate that they may be dating an abuser and/or are in an abusive relationship. By helping them set a healthy minimum standard for their relationships, you will be preparing them to identify relationships and potential life partners that are respectful, loving and non-violent.

VAW Education Tip #15 – Make Healthy Relationships for YOURSELF a Priority. Most people form their ideas about relationships from a very young age as they observe their parents’ relationship. For many people, their adult relationships and choices of life partner often echo their parents’ relationship. This is one of the ways in which domestic violence can trickle down over several generations through boys who grow up thinking that hitting a woman is normal and girls who grow up expecting to face violence as part of a ‘normal’ relationship. So one of the best ways to break – or never start – the cycle of abusive relationships for the next generation is to be mindful of your own relationships and how you interact with your life partner and other peers in your life.

VAW Education Tip #16 – Finally and Most Important of All… Be A Role Model.  Role modelling is one of the most effective ways of influencing children and teenagers because they usually learn and internalise life lessons by patterning their own behaviour and beliefs after their parents, teachers, mentors and other influential adults in their lives. Your reaction to anger, frustration and conflict when interacting with other people may well become a behavioral template for your children or the children you teach/mentor/coach. So be self-aware of and thoughtful about your own conduct towards yourself and others and set yourself the same standards of non-violence, respect and acceptance that you wish to teach the children and teenagers in your life.